NomadWarMachine

Today’s TDC says

Audrey Watters‏ said, “repetition of the word ‘masses’ in the first 2 lines of Black Sabbath’s War Pigs is the most disappointing failure of imagination in the history of rhyme.”

So let’s give Geezer some help. What else could he have used for the second line? Rhyme on.

Well, actually I don’t mind the repetition – as it reminds me that there is more than one meaning of ‘masses’, but here goes. I tried a couple of my own:

Generals gathered in their masses
Just like witches in dark glasses

or

Generals gathered in dark glasses
Just like witches at black masses

And they I asked ChatGPT, which was- um – not great. I asked

can you please rewrite the first two lines of this song so there is no repetition of the word ‘masses’. It gave me:

Option 1 – closest to the original:

Generals gathered in their masses
Just like witches at midnight gatherings

Option 2 – darker:

Generals gathered in their masses
Just like witches at darkened masses

Option 3 – more natural:

Generals gathered in their masses
Just like witches at their blackest rites

Option 4 – keeps the “black” imagery:

Generals gathered in their masses
Just like witches at blackened rites

So I said:

please ensure the first two lines still rhyme

And got:

Generals gathered in their massesJust like witches at their darkened passes

Generals gathered in their massesJust like witches casting blackened glasses (more surreal)

Generals gathered in their massesJust like witches practising their classes (less sinister)

Generals gathered in their massesJust like witches in their shadowed passes

Generals gathered in their massesJust like witches at their midnight passes

I think mine are better.